Okay first I want to say I really don't like how this was written. I really wanted to change it but I didn't. I would have written a lot better and described the hallway more so I could explain better how I felt. I think it makes scene what I added about the chairs and popcorn but I would have described it a lot better. I did lie though when my Dad said that he didn't turn on the lights. That's how I felt though, I wasn't scared anymore. I was excited that we owned it. I was scared of that hallway until my Dad said that, I'm not really sure why. I guess because him saying that assured me that it would be okay. I added that because I could remember exactly what he said so well and because that's a part of the story. I think it helped the tone because that's when I decided the theater wasn't so scary after all. I don't like how I ended it either. If I had more time it would have been a lot different. I also would have changed the part when I said the door creaked open, that's too cliche. If I could rewrite it it would have the same meaning but different wording. I would have said a little bit more about why it influenced my childhood. I could have added details about hiding under the projectors or having older friends that were the employees. My story would have been a better story if I rewrote it.
Thursday, October 11, 2012
We pulled up to the back of this brick building I never noticed was in my small town until now. I knew it was there but it had no effect on me. My Dad grabbed the keys out of his pocket and fumble for the right one that read do not duplicate. The glass door creaked open. I peered inside hesitant to go in. My Dad looked at me assuring it was all right. It was dusty. I saw this long hallway with a door opposite of us a football field away. Haunted, that's what I thought. I held my Dad's hand as we made our way to the front by nothing but the moonlight that caught the dust in the air. Their was chairs upon chairs balanced to the side of the walls, popcorn littered the floor. The smell was musty, this place felt abandoned. I remember this clear as day, my Dad flicked on the lights to that Movie theater and everything wasn't so scary. The chairs were now a jungle gym the popcorn sprinkled on the ground was confetti. The smell was gone. I smile and my Dad Spread his arms wide and said "This is ours Toni too!" I ran and said let's play hide and seek! It was early fall 2001 and this place was where I'd spend my days fooling around for the next years. My childhood loved that old runned down theater.
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I really liked the descriptions you included in the writing; I felt like I could visualize where you were. Also, i think the subject matter is awesome as well! Very cool and interesting experience. I like how you ended the essay, you let the reader think about what happened to the theater in later years and what exactly went on those years that you spent time there. Very cool and engaging!
ReplyDeleteI love the tone change in your writing. It starts off very tense, and the reader can sense the fear. But once the lights are turned on, all of the seemingly creepy surroundings transformed into things that a child would enjoy, which kinda shows how perspective can change, and that's pretty cool.
ReplyDeleteThat is pretty awesome that your dad bought a theater. The scene was set well in the beginning with the inclusion of the key that read "Do not duplicate" upon it. A good feel of the child like sense of mystery and almost fear that would accompany you at that age was established. The mood shifted towards the end and now all of the sudden you were comfortable with something that was not so mysterious anymore. The "Jungle Gym" of chairs and the "Confetti" popcorn on the floors is intrinsic with what a reader would assume an old theater might look like. The last sentence gives insight as to what kind of experiences you had over the years there, which is nice because it allows the reader to imagine what that would have been like. Great article.
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